How music has affected my sexuality

Relationships have always been a difficult topic for me — I’ve never truly known how to discuss them in a way that didn’t make me uncomfortable.

I know what you’re thinking: “not another girl ranting about her boy troubles…” Well, I’m here to turn the tables. I’m going to be talking about how music made me realize I’m bisexual.

Growing up in a more conservative area, those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community were few and far between. On top of that, I have a very spiritual mother who believes in loving all people, so I never realized that being attracted to females wasn’t something all girls experienced. 

It wasn’t until I began listening to and identifying with artists such as Kehlani, Clairo, and Girl in Red that I realized my attraction goes beyond what heterosexual women feel. 

Kehlani

“Playinwitme” by Kyle featuring Kehlani was the first song I ever heard where a female was openly singing about her attraction to another woman. Yes, that is how sheltered from sexuality I was. 

This song was released in 2018 which was the end of my senior year of high school. I immediately loved the song and BELTED Kehlani’s part as often as I could. This should have been a red flag from the start, but I had a boyfriend at the time, so no one questioned me.

“Honey” by Kehlani has been my jam since my first listen. The vibes are immaculate. I used to lay on the floor with it on full blast and just absorb the sounds. Everyone has those songs that make them feel so deeply they start to cry whether they planned to or not, and “Honey” has always been one of those for me.

Clairo

The first time I listened to Clairo was just before I opened up to my first friend about being bisexual. She’s actually the one that introduced me to Clairo. Since she’s a lesbian herself, coming out to her was the easiest of all.

Some highlights of Clairo are “Softly”, “Sofia”, and “Bubble Gum”.

Clairo typically sings about her personal experiences and where they have led her. For example, her song “Sofia” is about her first experiences realizing her attraction to older women in the media, such as Sofia Vergara and Sofia Coppola, which I resonated with. Rather than hiding her attraction to these women, she felt she should be celebrating it.

Girl in Red

If you are part of the LGBT+ community or are an active ally, I’m sure you’ve been asked “do you listen to Girl in Red?”. In case you haven’t, it is the equivalent of asking if a girl is sapphic. There are other variations of this, of course, such as “do you cuff your jeans?” for asking if someone is bisexual, but Girl in Red is the go-to artist for such a question.

Girl in Red is a lesser-known indie artist recognized for her overt display of attraction towards females. Some of her songs include “girls” and “we fell in love in october”. Both songs are about her love for women, and it’s incredible to me how unafraid she is to express herself freely.

I know I can’t be the only one that’s experienced a sexual awakening via the works of musicians. This isn’t something I’ve heard discussed outside of Twitter, but if it were more normalized, maybe relationships wouldn’t be as hard of a topic for those who grew up in similar ways to me: where heteronormativity is enforced. 

I had no idea of the effects these artists would have on me upon hearing them for the first time, yet they changed my entire perspective. There are many more I could touch on, though these seem the most prominent. If you want to hear the music mentioned, and more, check out this playlist.